Friday, March 22, 2013

The TWIC Fiasco

If you're not familiar with this acronym, let me explain. It's the Transportation Workers Identification Card, and everyone who works in a TSA-monitored industry has to have one, whether in commercial trucking of HAZMAT, on the sea as a merchant mariner, in the air, or at a port facility or terminal. It's a national security clearance I.D. card. How do you get it? Well, you apply on line to schedule an appointment with a designated examiner/enrollment representative. In my state, there are only two of these people, or maybe four, in two locations, one in Bangor and one on Portland, about two hours from my home by car. Now, bear in mind, while this is a government mandated national security program, the people who run the TWIC enrollment and renewal sites are private sector employees.

When the renewal process works smoothly, the applicant gets his appointment on line, gathers his papers (Passport, Birth Certificate, Driver License, etc.) and goes to the appointment. At the enrollment facility, it's like waiting at the Motor Vehicle Bureau. People are taken to the inner sanctum in the order they arrive. And there can be a lot of people waiting to see the wizard. More importantly, this is only the first step in the TWIC process. At this stage, you're just providing information about yourself -- to prove you are who you say you are -- and you're getting your I.D. recorded for posterity on a digital fingerprint scanner.

Now you go home and wait. Eventually, you'll get an email notice your card is ready. So, back you go to the enrollment center with your I.D. papers to pick up your card. Simple, right? Ha! Not so fast.

There is no telephone you can call at the enrollment center, so when you leave your house to go there, you really don't know if your card will be waiting for you. You don't know if the computers are down, or if the place closed because there was a fire in the area, or because the two guys who were suppose to be there slept late and didn't show up to work.

My last TWIC experience was as follows: I showed up at the enrollment center to pick up my card only to discover it wasn't there. So I drove home, waited a month, then got an email to go back to the TWIC center. When I arrived, there were a dozen or so guys standing around scratching heir heads, wondering whether to stay or go. Turns out the computers were down. So, we waited, and waited. Finally, I went to lunch. Before I left I was told to check in with the TWIC Website on my smart phone; when the Website came back, I would know it was time to return to the center. At about 1:00 p.m., the Website came back up and I returned to the TWIC center. At the center, the two TWIC reps told me the computers were still down. I said, "No way," because I had just checked the site. One of the reps, looking befuddled, said, "Really?" and he got on-line and checked and sure enough the computers were back up. This is when the other rep said: "But we can't get you your card now. You'll have to wait."

I said, "Why not?"

<pause for effect>

"Because," he said, "It's lunchtime."

Now I'm 6'4" and about 225 pounds. And I don't know if my face showed it or not, but I was pissed, and I was doing everything in my power to keep my hands and arms from reaching out and grabbing that weaselly little worm by the neck and shaking him like a wet dish rag.

Which is when the other guy cleared his throat and said, "Um, I think we can get you your card now."

Believe it or not, my experience is not unique. And others have had it even worse. Some people have gone through the same crap, but in addition, they've gotten to a port or terminal and discovered their smart card isn't very smart. The programming in the dual ICC (interfaced circuit chip) is bad, or it doesn't match-up with what's in the magnetic strip and/or bar code.

Government in action. Gotta love it.

-- G.

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